As subtle as a flying brick.

Posts tagged “Arts

Value Village has gotten wierd.


Let us not forget how Elmo died for this department store’s sins.

It’s like Martha Stewart always says: “Add a little color to any retail environment with the simple addition of a grotesquely murdered children’s character.” And if your kids ask why Elmo’s lifeless corpse has been splayed out above them like a hideous trophy (on the off-chance they’re able to do anything but stare up at him in silent, mouth-gaping horror), tell them he was caught stealing. Sure they’ll need years of intensive therapy before they’re able to form words again, but they’ve learned a valuable lesson about honesty.


Enter the Dragon

My Mother got me hooked on literature when I was a very little kid. It’s something I have to really thank her for. I would only put down a book to go for a bike ride. Also I was fascinated by military and psychological warfare (I’ve made it my favorite lifelong hobby). So for many of you, that one of my favorite books when I was 12 was Sun Tzu’s art of Warisn’t a surprise. I’ll get back to that later.

Cover of "Art of War"

Cover of Art of War

For now though, please click here. Now for the public, I’ve just taken random lines from a 1-megabyte log file, and selected one hostname out of a few that hit my site. I wanted to congratulate this person on being my biggest fan. Fan of course, being well-known as an abbreviation of fanatic. And as happens with most celebrities, I am humbled and honored by your deep and intense love for my family and me. If you’d like to join our family newsletter, please, let us know.

Let’s move on shall we? I know I’m your most FAVORITE person on the planet, but really now, can’t we just be adults? My main thought about this whole situation is “don’t start something, wont be something, a’right?”

(Now to cut through the subtlety for a paragraph)

As much as I love watching a good predictable bipolar or anal retentive psychological pattern in a person, I must say that even I’ve gotten bored with it and it’s not even worth my time. If you think very little of me (which is obvious), you might want to imagine where that places you for not being worth the time of a man of such utter unimportance as I.

I pose a general question. How does one predict a thunderstorm?

An answer could be, watch the horizon. If one were to wonder why one were being casually observed from a distance, one might answer, “to avoid the thunderstorm”.

This brings me back to why I love Sun Tzu. One of the most memorable quotes I can recall is attributed to him; it is “Keep your friends close, and your Enemies closer”. While I have no enemies, it’s no secret that some people out there don’t like my family and me.

I presume that some of the hits hitting my website are there to keep a track on me, to help others avoid me/my family. I urge that strongly, I think you should avoid me/my family. I consider it very adult to do such a thing, and I offer you a round of thanks for it. It’s OBVIOUSLY not being done to say, watch/wait for a reaction from thinly veiled slurs or attacks, that would be something a child would do, and I have much more faith in the world then that.

In the long and the short of it, I’ve gotten bored with you, my family got bored with you a long time ago, ergo why they’re my family. Step up, be a man, get the fuck over it, and move on. Maybe then, we’ll be able to stop waiting for another thunderstorm.

Now, here’s a personal story. Back a few years ago, I was engaged to a chick, and she had a wonderful family. I loved those guys, still do, awesome, was very upset to hear about her fathers passing. Now after this woman and I went our separate ways, I didn’t contact that family again, and it really hurt. Possibly more than the end of the relationship with the woman. I can understand and have pity on some of you out there, but the proper social thing to do, is what I did. Leave. Some of you may think that leaving was obvious, but unfortunately not all of you think that way, and that’s OK, children have to be taught from birth, and sometimes, some things get left out. But regardless, the thing I miss the most about any of my ex’s, is their family.

On the positive side, there’s Jenn. I love Jenn, and I love her family. Jenn and I dated back in college, but broke up for a couple of years, and now we’re back together, and I’m ever so glad for it, because I missed her family. When we took our break back in college, I didn’t go see her family, despite the fact her Grandmother lived across the road from the college dorm, that would have been improper, nor did I go see her father, despite the fact he lived right next to a place I used to visit, again, it would have been improper. I don’t mean to look down on anybody that would, but just to remind him or her, it would be improper and insulting.

Insulting you ask? Yes, insulting. Not just to the family and former partner, but it would have been insulting to the woman I was with. I couldn’t picture hurting a woman like that. it would be thoughtless.

Picture it, still being hung up on your ex despite the fact that you’re ‘happy’ with another person? How would that make the other person in this sordid love triangle feel? See, insulting.

Anyway, I’m about to take off to go to the gym, I feel dirty after having this talk with you, and I need to go work out. I hope the intended audience of this little post has gotten the point.

“Don.t start something, wont be nothing”.

P.S., This is the only post I’m going to waste on this subject. You’re really boring us, fuck off would you? It’s so of you. Oh, and we read his site daily for updates, mostly because he’s as funny as you.