The Vengeance Pages
Ven·geance n. Infliction of punishment in return for a wrong committed; retribution.
I believe it was the philosopher K’ung-fu-tzu who said “when seeking vengeance, dig two graves” or some shit like that. Whatever… he was the shit back in the day, but times have changed. Vengeance is the word of the day folks, and you’ve come to the right place to read, research,and exchange ideas on the subject. Taco Bell Tornado 4 Life.
Got a list of people you hate?Lets start off the Vengeance Pages properly folks, your ass is your most portable, most concealable weapon. Screw martial arts, I’m going to teach you the ways of the martial arse kids. The Taco Bell Tornado involves dropping a lot of fecal matter in a hurry while spinning around in a circular motion. Heh.
You can always enjoy a good shit more when you’re using it to get someone back for some wrong they’ve committed against you. There are several key issues that must be addressed in order to maximize the impact of your fecal frenzy however. I’ll list them and discuss each point in turn, so try to follow along:
Target – Make sure you have someone who really deserves to have this done to them. There’s nothing worse than shitting all over someone’s house and finding out later you shat in error. Ensure that you have all the details, or at least adequate information that indicates the victim had it coming
Ammo – You are what you eat, and the same holds true for your droppings. Consuming the right (or wrong) food a day or even two in advance makes all the difference. I highly recommend Taco Bell and draft beer. Unfortunately you can’t obtain them both at the same establishment, so you’re on your own to come up with a plan for working out the logistics of loading up.
Privacy – You’re about to drop your pants, spin around someone’s house and shit a lot. Do you really want an audience? It wouldn’t be something easy to live down, keep that in mind. There is also the legal aspect, the more people who know you did it increases the odds you’ll get caught, arrested, and/or shot.
Technique – Considering the fact that you’re spinning around half-naked in someone’s home with extra vile shit spewing from your ass, I’m sure you can appreciate the need for proper technique, cause you’d really hate to fall down while in the middle of a good ‘tornado’, wouldn’t you? It might help if you practice spinning around like some fool kid a few times to get familiar with the forces at work on a spinning, shitting human.
Drugs – You may wish to consider performance enhancing drugs. If it works for athletes in the Olympics, why can’t it work for you? I’m not advocating steroid use and/or abuse here, as this isn’t really that type of sport. Ex-lax however should help you go for the gold in a big way…
Cleanup – Since you’re working with such a nasty substance, cleanup is an obvious point that needs some serious pondering, wouldn’t you say? Make sure you have toilet paper, paper towels, towels, javex, steel wool… whatever works for you.
Yup, nothing says “take that, you fuck” quite like my very own Taco Bell Tornado. Use this newfound wisdom wisely grasshopper…