She’s probably not dead. When you’ve got a family of fifteen, someone has to ride on the roof.

Umm, yeah. Well…have you seen us do gymnastics?! We’re fantastic at that!

8.1% sales tax??? This is why I take all my prostitution needs to Thailand.

But in case you were wondering, this is fake. You can tell because a “Happy Ending” costs way more than $50.

Also, the economy is like your mom — it’s f***ed the entire country.

Saw this on The Daily Show, couldn’t stop laughing.

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The best part about this headline is that they put “drunk” in quotes — like, he says he was drunk, but I’m pretty sure he did it on purpose.

I guess live DirecTV isn’t enough entertainment for some people…

Read the full story on NYPost.com.

So cute! Baby likes when I force sugar into his mouth! Next let’s find out if he likes a morphine drip!

On a side note, the number of times I said “Wow, he just put a huge load in that babies mouth!” before I realized what I was saying? That would be 3.