Don`t Hurt me
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3D Art
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“Opened wide, the world blew in, stirring my soul.”
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Man who drove into City Hall gets 10-year sentence
This video of a man driving a car through Wichita’s City Hall would be funny
if not for the fact that he may have hurt someone.
Authorities said Johnson became angered when a police officer told
him to turn down the music in his car while he was parked at a south Wichita
convenience store early on the morning of Jan. 7, 2008.Johnson drove downtown, turned onto Main and then drove up a ramp into City
Hall at an estimated 45 miles an hour.
OK, it is funny.
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SHERLOCK HOLMES, THE TRAILER
Last night the first trailer for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes hit the web and ta da! You can watch it here. It’s been a long time since Guy Ritchie made a good movie, but with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, and Mark Strong onboard, he’s got just about the best cast you could ask for this time around. And judging by the trailer, in this incarnation, Sherlock spends as much time boxing, diving through windows, nailing chicks, and dodging explosions as he does using logic and science. I can’t wait until 10-15 years from now when another one comes out and it’s even more dumbed down. I imagine Watson demanding to know, “How do you do it, Holmes?” And then Holmes will take a massive bong rip, tap his index finger to his temple, and say, “Hella mentally, my Dear Watson. (*cough*)”
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MICKEY MOUSE IS DEAD
Wayne Allwine, voice of Mickey Mouse since 1977, is dead of complications from diabetes at age 62. Allwine was actually the third guy to do Mickey’s voice, after Walt Disney and Jimmy MacDonald.
Allwine’s wife, Russi Taylor, who provides the voice of Minnie Mouse, was at his side at the time of his passing. Allwine, also was an Emmy-winning sound effects editor, was the voice of Disney’s world-renowned mouse since 1977, when he first lent his familiar falsetto to animated segments for “The New Mickey Mouse Club.” [THR]
I think I’ll always remember Allwine best for the time he beat up the Jonas Brothers on South Park. I mean, I know that wasn’t him or even the real Mickey Mouse, but the heart wants what it wants.
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GOD MADE YOU A TOOL
In today’s clip, this dude who looks like he has a butthole on his forehead makes the kids wear signs that say “tool” over their crotch and explains that “life without Jesus is like a doughnut, because there’s a hole in the middle of your heart.” Important lessons, sure, but be careful where you watch it, the girl in the overalls is a real looker. I mean, I think it’s a girl.
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Easy Solutions #1
So, you’re in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn’t have sex with you anyway.
What you will need:
- 1 x knife
- 1 x ring
- Access to a suntan bed
- The ability to grow a beard.
Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.
Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.
Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.
Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend’s house.
Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.
Step Six: Enter your friend’s bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.
Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.
Step Eight: When she asks you what’s happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it’s September 15th she will say ‘September 15th’ to which you must reply ‘No, what year is it?’
Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words ‘It worked.’ Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.
Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask ‘What worked?’, even if she doesn’t ask this question it is important that you now say the words ‘(Insert Friend’s Name), I’m from the future’ in your most deadpan voice.
Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incredibleness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you’ve come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.
Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tan line on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.
Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part – The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:
- You are married to each other in the future
- Her current boyfriend is dead
- The world is coming to an end. It’s up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines.
- This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
- In the future your relationship is not going well
- You’ve come back in time because you can’t help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn’t been killed
- Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
- If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future
Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.
Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren’t about to have sex with her. You’re naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you’ve had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.
Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.
Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:
- During the sex some feelings that she didn’t know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
- Life will carry on as normal.
- You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren’t entirely sure if what you’ve done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.
Stolen shamelessly from Here.
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Ghost Pepper
Take the world’s hottest peppers, rub them in your eyes and then eat 51 of them in world record attempt. Mere mortals blanch at it.
The Naga Jolokia is the hottest pepper in the world, at 1,000,000 Scoville Units. One seed from a Naga Jolokia can sustain intense pain sensations in the mouth for up to 30 minutes before subsiding. Imagine what eating an entire pepper will do? One intrepid ESPN reporter finds out.
Hot Sauce Blog = Teh Awesome.
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It Ain’t Easy
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Make It, Fly It
It has lately been popular to make stuff. But few have made an airplane. A great variety of homebuilt/amateur experimental aircraft can be made, some speedy, some aerobatic, some quite popular. Some folks have even made a blimp.
Before building, it would be wise to consult a professional. Powerplant options include an air cooled Volkswagen engine, diesel, and conventional small aircraft engines.
As an alternative to starting from scratch, there is restoration.
Plus, airplanes can be a fun way to fly somewhere (though some routes require advance preparation).
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Wait… No Pirate Vs. Ninja?!
Haven’t you always secretly wondered what would happen if a ninja accidentally stumbled into,
say, Bill and Ted’s time
traveling Phone Booth and ended up somewhere around 7th century BC, only to
come face-to-face with a feisty Spartan?
Have you not pondered what would happen if you locked up an Apache with a Gladiator
inside some sort of 21st century battle
dome? Are you frustrated because you feel like there’s nobody doing proper
scientific studies to see what would happen when you pit two historically violent warriors that
could have never actually met in real life? Worry no more people – I present to
you Spike TV‘s newest offering
– Deadliest Warrior!
The
show basically goes like this; you take two crazy fighters who, previous to the
show, have only been pitted against one another in heated debates between young
men in line for the midnight showing of the newest X-Men movie (or really
awesome drunk people). The show’s ‘Host, Simulation Consultant, and Blogger’, Max Geiger brings in experts
representing each warrior. The experts bring in weapons that are historically
accurate which are then tested on a variety of dummies that are stuffed with
SCIENCE! The data from said SCIENCE! all goes into a computer simulation based
on an unreleased commercial game engine by these guys. Not just the SCIENCE!, which
is actually pretty cool (ballistics gel, pig carcasses, high speed photography),
but also, as Max aptly put it:
“The simulation’s inputs include real world
scientific data gathered by one of my co-hosts, Geoff Desmoulin, who is getting
his Ph.D. in Biomedical Engineering. Our number crunching is balanced out by Dr.
Armand Dorian, an ER doctor who keeps our work firmly grounded in the actual
trauma our tests cause.”
The reviews are in! Variety
seems to feel it might be possibly the stupidest show ever, appealing only to
the lowest common denominator! Newsarama
was a little nicer, pointing out that there are some people on the show trying
to make it as scientific as it can possibly be, while also having a great time.
Either way, do you care? Don’t you want to watch a Viking fight a Samurai? Or a
Pirate against a Knight? You can apparently only watch the latest episode on the
website, here. Also,
looking forward on the Wikipedia, it does look like the show might slip-slide
from whatever tenuous grasp they have on ideas for fights as they start doing
shows about William
Wallace versus Shaka Zulu or finally, the IRA versus the Taliban.
I have only one
thought. How could they have NOT had a Pirate
versus Ninja episode? FAIL!
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The Biology Textbook That Wished It Was A Progressive Rock Album
This
is your biology textbook. This is your
biology textbook on drugs.
Any questions?
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Secrets of the Phallus
Why
is the penis shaped like that? [T]he human penis is actually an
impressive “tool” in the truest sense of the word, one manufactured by nature
over hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution. You may be surprised to
discover just how highly specialized a tool it is. Furthermore, you’d be amazed
at what its appearance can tell us about the nature of our sexuality.
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Act Now! Supplies are Limited!
Raptiva, an
immunosuppressant used to treat severe plaque psoriasis, caught
the attention of the FDA as triggering the activation of the John Cunningham virus. Present in 70%
to 90% of human beings, the virus, once activated, inflames the white matter of
the brain – a condition known as progressive multifocal
leukoencephalitis (PML) – which has no cure and is almost always fatal.
Although the FDA recognized the link between Raptiva and PML last autumn, it
wasn’t until last month that Genentech, the manufacturers of
the drug, issued a voluntary
withdrawal, and even then, are still allowing people who use Raptiva to continue
to get refills until June 8.
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Naked Swedish Men and the “Dance of the Crispbread”
“Dance of the Crispbread” to ancient Swedish folk songs such as “What
What In The Butt” and “Kung Fu Fighting.” They use the bread to cover
what we can only imagine are their already impressive manhoods.
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The most inappropriate logo of all-time
In the 70s, this picture stood for God’s children. Now it just stands
for boys giving priests a good ol’ beej. Yes, this is an actual logo
designed in 1973 for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth
Commission. It even won an award from the Art Directors Club of Los
Angeles.
RobDurdle.com 
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