Dude, so fucking gross. Never eat raw hamburger.

Warning: this is possibly the worst story ever told. Ever wanted to know what it’s like to have a beef tapeworm? (Fun fact: they’re the kind that fills your whole intestinal tract!) A storyteller on The Fray helpfully clues us in to the experience of living with, and eventually destroying, his li’l parasite buddy. Don’t read it if you don’t want to wish for death at the end. (Blessedly, there are no photographs, though there are some toon-like illustrations.)